When you wish upon a star...

just a few quick shots from Magic Kingdom last night. Sometimes i can't believe that i really get to live here and enjoy these things whenever I want to. Regardless of what else is happening, and despite my disabilities, I am one lucky girl.

Little Miss hide your scars

So, last night into today has not been the best part of my two weeks here in Disney. I trained in floorstock last night for the first time. Normally, no big thing. We all have to learn how to do it. Well, turns out that my knees just won't let that happen. I was talking with one of my other cast members about my surgeries and was told that i needed to say something right away. I, being the stubborn person that i am, thought I could live with it and still do the job. Turns out, my body thinks differently. I was struggling with it and ended up speaking with one of my managers who told me that i should visit the health center and see what i can do about getting work restrictions.
Needless to say, i was not a happy camper.
I am downright angry. I don't normally admit when i feel angry for whatever reason. I like to pretend things aren't as big of a deal as they really are. Not today, today I am spitting mad.
I'm angry with my body for doing this to me.
I'm angry with my doctor who should have fixed it the first time and I wouldn't be dealing with this now.
I'm angry with the doctors I saw as a kid who did nothing but put me in physical therapy.
I'm angry with God for this happening to me, again.
I'm angry that i have to be different from everyone else.

I'm in a place where I thought I fit in. No one here thinks the fact that i have a disney playlist on my ipod is weird. No one here thinks that I'm crazy for wanting to watch Disney movies at 24 years old. I was fitting in, not an outcast. I was learning my job and starting to get the hang of everything. I really thought life was going to be different all the way through.
Unfortunately, life had other plans for me.
Now I'm waiting for paperwork from my doctor at home so that i can submit it to health services to review and see whether i can be accomodated or not. It may mean that i have to be recast somewhere else in the company. I don't want to leave. I like the resort that i am at. I like my managers. I like my co-workers. I've already started making friends where I'm at and I don't want it to change. From now on, whether i stay at my resort or transfer somewhere else, I'm the girl that's different. i have to do things differently from everyone else. i have to get the special treatment. I hate that. i don't want to be treated special because I have a disability. I get enough of that every single day someone sees my scars. I got enough of that when I was on crutches and in all those braces. I don't want to be different or to be treated differently.
So much of me wishes I had never said anything to anyone ever. Had I not opened my mouth this wouldn't have happened. I know that in the end if I am able to be accomodated and not have to leave I'll be okay. I understand that this is for my safety. i don't want to get hurt and have to go home. I know that once everything gets figured out I'll be fine and happy.
I just hoped that this wouldn't follow me here. I know I'm in the most magical place on earth, but i guess the magic isn't working for me, at least not the way i want it to.

Sorry for the bummer post today. On a brighter note, i got my new camera today! I accidently dropped my old camera in the sand over the summer, lens first, and it died, so I had to replace it. This new camera is so nice, actually a little cheaper than my old one when i first got it, but so much nicer. Lots more functions, better zoom, i can't wait to start taking pictures! Now if i would have just remembered a memory card...

uh oh, another project in the works!

I know this comes as no surprise to anyone, and if it does, you clearly don't know me that well. :)

When I was here last summer, I wanted to get a flag from all of the different flags that are in Epcot. I didn't have enough money with me at the time, so I thought the next time I was there I would get them. Well, now that I'm living here, i thought it would make a fun keepsake from my time at Disney. I had the day off, so I thought I'd take the bus to Epcot and get the flags while I was thinking about it.

Ta-da! Here's the flags! I'm actually missing one, Canada ironically. For most people this probably wouldn't be funny, but having a Canadian pastor and having my favorite teacher be from Canada, and knowing both of their senses of humor, this is really funny. I'm sure they see the irony in this, and I'm sure you do to if you know these guys.

Anyways, back to my idea. I originally thought I'd collect the flags and put them on a shelf or something. That idea morphed into putting them in a shadow box. Then while i was walking around Epcot I saw the penny press machines. I've recently become obsessed with these machines, so I thought i should get pennies from each of the countries to go with the flags. Then that idea morphed into another idea. (welcome to the inner workings of my brain- this happens to me all the time- you'd get used to it if you were in my head.) Now, what i think I'm going to do is get a long shadow box, take the flags off the poles that they come on and put them on the back of the box along with the pennies, and get some small trinket that represents each country and put that in the box as well. Little things like a mini Eiffle tower for France, chopsticks for China (or maybe Hello Kitty), things like that.

I know it's kind of strange to start thinking of projects to do when i get home when i won't be home until January, but in case you don't know this, my mind is a very strange place. I get an idea and I just can't help myself. I'm so excited about this idea that i had to write it down. I'll have to post a picture of it when I get home and actually am able to make it, if I remember it. :)

Beach and Yacht resorts

So, I thought a quick update was in order as to where I'm working here in FL while I'm waiting out this crazy thunderstorm so I can get to the bus stop for work. I don't know if you've heard, but lightning is intense around here!

This is a picture of the front of the Disney Vacation Club Villas. Beautiful property.

This is actually from the back of resort, but it is the beach portion of the resort. Usually, families stay at the beach so it's much busier.

This is the back of the yacht resort. Generally this is much less slower paced as not many families stay here with kids. It's a little quieter.

This is the statue inside Fittings and Fairings inside Yacht. Rumor has it the statue is actually going to be taken out soon, so I got a picture while I still could.

This is the lobby inside the Yacht. Gorgeous right?

This is the marketplace inside Beach. It's much busier because of the food available and because more kids come in here. Yacht is fancier so it's less busy.

I've got lots more pictures I'll post later. Right now I've gotta get ready for work. Pray I don't get hit by lightning on my way to the bus!

I'm finally here!

So, I did make it to Orlando, no luggage lost, and have been all checked in for almost a week already. It's crazy to me that time has already gone by that fast. In so many ways it feels like I've been here forever, and in other ways it almost feels natural, kind of like being home. It's a strange feeling, but a good one. I really like it here. I am rooming with 5 other girls and so far we all get along really well. I have been training at my job for 4 days now and i really like that too. I was out on the floor today ringing up customers and my trainers said I was a natural. It's amazing how many things i encounter that continue to prove that my changing majors was the best decision for me. Everyday I am given signs that i am doing the right thing. I know that some days may get hard, but the overall message is that i am right where i should be.

All that being said, I thought I'd share some pictures of my apartment. We have three bedrooms, and the best part is that each bedroom has their own bathroom! I really love that part. :) This is my room and my bed. It's a little messy, but it wouldn't be mine if it wasn't a little messy!

This is the view from our balcony. Yes we have a balcony to sit out on. However, we are in central Florida in August, so trust me when I say, you don't really want to sit out here much yet. Our apartment is in the very back corner of the complex, which is not convenient especially when the bus picks up at the other complex and we have to walk. I guess it's good exercise, right?

Here is the view directly to the left of the door. We have a really nice table, and yes, we've all eaten together at the table. That closet there, it doesn't open. We do however have one when you walk in for coats and stuff. Right now, it's mostly stuff.

Here's the kitchen. We even have a dishwasher. Very nice. We however did not have a toaster or coffee maker. I don't really care about either, but my roommates did, so they got that stuff.

Here's the living room. It's not decorated, and that's because we can't. We can't use anything with adhesive because it may damage the walls. Stupid rule in my opinion. The room looks so boring.

So friends, this is where i live! I'll have to get pictures of my resort and costume so you can see those things too. I'm really excited to see what happens while I'm here. I think big things could happen, and I'm looking forward to it. You'll just have to stay tuned!

one week

One week from today I am leaving for Florida. One. More. Week.
I said many of my goodbyes at church yesterday. i am so thankful for my church family for being so supportive of me and this new opportunity. I had many people come up to me, giving me hugs and wishing me the best. I even had members of our consistory pray over me after church as a "proper sendoff". I was so appreciative of the many positive comments i received.
A lot of people have asked me how I am feeling. I'm not quite sure how to answer that question though. I am excited, nervous, anxious, sad, ready, not ready. I think it must be normal to feel all these things, but I've never moved away from home before. I'm not sure what's normal. i think I mostly feel like i wish I was already there. i just want this to all be over with, if that makes sense. I wish I was already there, moved in, and working. Its the waiting that i am over. As nervous/anxious as i am about moving, I want that part to be over with. i want to be able to tell people where I'm living, what i'm doing, where I'm working. I want to have stories to tell people. As nervous as I am, I wish it would just start.

A lot of people ask me what i am most looking forward to about this move. I'm really excited about how I am going to change as a result of this experience. I want this experience to change me. i want to come back a different person than the person I am leaving. I think that if this experience doesn't change me, it was a completely wasted trip. I want to come back more confident, more excited, more fun to be around. I want to become a better version of myself.

Other people have asked me what scares me the most about this move. I think what makes me the most scared is thinking about how other people will change while I'm gone. How much will the kids I babysit change while I'm not here? Will they remember me? How will my family dynamics change? Will i still fit when I get back? How will my friends change? Will they still want to be friends with me? What about my secret crush? Will he have found someone else? (which is kind of a rediculous thing to worry about since I don't have the guts to tell him myself how I feel, and i don't know how he feels.) Will i still like the same things I did before i left? Will I remember where things are around the city? Will my church want me to come back? What will I do if my clothes don't fit?
I understand that some of these things are not worth worrying about. I mean, I'd love it if my clothes don't fit when I get back if it means I lost weight, which is one of my goals. But other worries feel more justified. I want to change, but I'm scared how others will change. When I think about that, I realize that other people may be thinking the same thing about me. How is she going to change? Will she think she's too good for us? Will she want to be here? I'm definitely nervous, and I think I'd be crazy if I wasn't.
Despite my trepidations, i am not having doubts about this, I don't want anyone to get me wrong. I am going, and I'm happy about it. I'm excited about it. I don't feel like this is the wrong choice for me. I have been proven over and over again by many signs, signals, and people that this is exactly what i need to do. i have to do this for me. If i don't do it now, I'll never do it. It's now or never. I'm excited to see what life will be like and i can't wait to be able to share what I will be doing. I'm not looking forward to saying all the goodbyes i have to say in this next week, but I am so excited to see what will happen next.