So, last night into today has not been the best part of my two weeks here in Disney. I trained in floorstock last night for the first time. Normally, no big thing. We all have to learn how to do it. Well, turns out that my knees just won't let that happen. I was talking with one of my other cast members about my surgeries and was told that i needed to say something right away. I, being the stubborn person that i am, thought I could live with it and still do the job. Turns out, my body thinks differently. I was struggling with it and ended up speaking with one of my managers who told me that i should visit the health center and see what i can do about getting work restrictions.
Needless to say, i was not a happy camper.
I am downright angry. I don't normally admit when i feel angry for whatever reason. I like to pretend things aren't as big of a deal as they really are. Not today, today I am spitting mad.
I'm angry with my body for doing this to me.
I'm angry with my doctor who should have fixed it the first time and I wouldn't be dealing with this now.
I'm angry with the doctors I saw as a kid who did nothing but put me in physical therapy.
I'm angry with God for this happening to me, again.
I'm angry that i have to be different from everyone else.
I'm in a place where I thought I fit in. No one here thinks the fact that i have a disney playlist on my ipod is weird. No one here thinks that I'm crazy for wanting to watch Disney movies at 24 years old. I was fitting in, not an outcast. I was learning my job and starting to get the hang of everything. I really thought life was going to be different all the way through.
Unfortunately, life had other plans for me.
Now I'm waiting for paperwork from my doctor at home so that i can submit it to health services to review and see whether i can be accomodated or not. It may mean that i have to be recast somewhere else in the company. I don't want to leave. I like the resort that i am at. I like my managers. I like my co-workers. I've already started making friends where I'm at and I don't want it to change. From now on, whether i stay at my resort or transfer somewhere else, I'm the girl that's different. i have to do things differently from everyone else. i have to get the special treatment. I hate that. i don't want to be treated special because I have a disability. I get enough of that every single day someone sees my scars. I got enough of that when I was on crutches and in all those braces. I don't want to be different or to be treated differently.
So much of me wishes I had never said anything to anyone ever. Had I not opened my mouth this wouldn't have happened. I know that in the end if I am able to be accomodated and not have to leave I'll be okay. I understand that this is for my safety. i don't want to get hurt and have to go home. I know that once everything gets figured out I'll be fine and happy.
I just hoped that this wouldn't follow me here. I know I'm in the most magical place on earth, but i guess the magic isn't working for me, at least not the way i want it to.
Sorry for the bummer post today. On a brighter note, i got my new camera today! I accidently dropped my old camera in the sand over the summer, lens first, and it died, so I had to replace it. This new camera is so nice, actually a little cheaper than my old one when i first got it, but so much nicer. Lots more functions, better zoom, i can't wait to start taking pictures! Now if i would have just remembered a memory card...
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