one week

One week from today I am leaving for Florida. One. More. Week.
I said many of my goodbyes at church yesterday. i am so thankful for my church family for being so supportive of me and this new opportunity. I had many people come up to me, giving me hugs and wishing me the best. I even had members of our consistory pray over me after church as a "proper sendoff". I was so appreciative of the many positive comments i received.
A lot of people have asked me how I am feeling. I'm not quite sure how to answer that question though. I am excited, nervous, anxious, sad, ready, not ready. I think it must be normal to feel all these things, but I've never moved away from home before. I'm not sure what's normal. i think I mostly feel like i wish I was already there. i just want this to all be over with, if that makes sense. I wish I was already there, moved in, and working. Its the waiting that i am over. As nervous/anxious as i am about moving, I want that part to be over with. i want to be able to tell people where I'm living, what i'm doing, where I'm working. I want to have stories to tell people. As nervous as I am, I wish it would just start.

A lot of people ask me what i am most looking forward to about this move. I'm really excited about how I am going to change as a result of this experience. I want this experience to change me. i want to come back a different person than the person I am leaving. I think that if this experience doesn't change me, it was a completely wasted trip. I want to come back more confident, more excited, more fun to be around. I want to become a better version of myself.

Other people have asked me what scares me the most about this move. I think what makes me the most scared is thinking about how other people will change while I'm gone. How much will the kids I babysit change while I'm not here? Will they remember me? How will my family dynamics change? Will i still fit when I get back? How will my friends change? Will they still want to be friends with me? What about my secret crush? Will he have found someone else? (which is kind of a rediculous thing to worry about since I don't have the guts to tell him myself how I feel, and i don't know how he feels.) Will i still like the same things I did before i left? Will I remember where things are around the city? Will my church want me to come back? What will I do if my clothes don't fit?
I understand that some of these things are not worth worrying about. I mean, I'd love it if my clothes don't fit when I get back if it means I lost weight, which is one of my goals. But other worries feel more justified. I want to change, but I'm scared how others will change. When I think about that, I realize that other people may be thinking the same thing about me. How is she going to change? Will she think she's too good for us? Will she want to be here? I'm definitely nervous, and I think I'd be crazy if I wasn't.
Despite my trepidations, i am not having doubts about this, I don't want anyone to get me wrong. I am going, and I'm happy about it. I'm excited about it. I don't feel like this is the wrong choice for me. I have been proven over and over again by many signs, signals, and people that this is exactly what i need to do. i have to do this for me. If i don't do it now, I'll never do it. It's now or never. I'm excited to see what life will be like and i can't wait to be able to share what I will be doing. I'm not looking forward to saying all the goodbyes i have to say in this next week, but I am so excited to see what will happen next.